Love Takes Work, But Not In The Way You May Think

Okay, so we have all heard that love takes effort, love ain’t easy, love is a losing game, yada, yada, yada, etc. But what does it all mean? If love takes so much work, do lazy people just never fall in love? How much work exactly does it require? Do we need to put in an equivalent amount of effort to our relationships as we do into our full time jobs?

The fact of the matter is: love takes work, but not in the way you may think. If two people are truly in love with each other, it should actually be pretty effortless when they are together. My guy friend was recently talking about his girlfriend and said, “We fight almost every day, but we are so in love with each other.” Alright, let’s just take a moment to break this sentence down. We fight almost every day-like two enemies forced to see each other at work, or a cat clawing at a vicious dog- but we are so in love with each other. This sentence is an oxymoron. A paradox, an inconsistency, a contradiction, you get the picture. Look, I can not speak for everyone in the entire world, but after much extensive thought I have come to this semi-universal conclusion: If you love someone, you do not want to make them feel bad. You do not want to argue with them. You do not want to do anything that you feel would make them upset, sad, or depressed. In fact, if you love someone, you want them to be happy, because when your love is happy, you are happy. When your love smiles, it makes you smile. When your love laughs, it is the most fulfilling thing that your ears could possibly hear.

Whenever I hear about a couple who fights or bickers constantly it makes me think that they are probably too immature to be in a loving, healthy relationship. This is not a bad thing; it just means that they have some growing up to do, and possible work to do on their selves before they can find true love, or fully commit to another person. I am in no way saying that couples never fight. It is perfectly healthy to get in a fight once in a while with a loved one. But to fight once a day, once a week, even once every two weeks in a long-term relationship means that the two of you probably are not compatible with each other-which is perfectly okay. Find someone who you are compatible with who will make loving him/her as effortless as breathing.

Now the question is: where does the work come in? Love takes work in the sense that it is hard work not to think about that person constantly. It is hard work not to miss them whenever they are not with you. It is hard work to be away from them for long periods of time. This is the work that comes with love.

I think Oprah said it best when she aired an episode of her show about spousal abuse. At the end of the episode, she said the simple phrase, “Love doesn’t hurt.” It’s true. Love should not make you cry. Love should not make you insecure. Love should not make you want to do drugs. Love should not make you want to hurt yourself or your lover in any way. Love should lift you up. Love should get you out of your slump. Love should be something you look forward to, not the final word in the fight. Your lover should be the last thing you think about before you go to bed, not an extra stress in your day.

Your lover and you should share an equal amount of love and respect for each other so that if it were a psychical thing and you could put it on a scale, it would balance out evenly. If you do not want to make your lover sad, then why is he making you sad with the names he calls you? If you love to see your lover smile, why does she constantly criticize you and put you down? Is your love scale balancing out? Is it even on both sides? It is definitely something to think about. And most importantly, always remember the wise words of Paul McCartney, “In the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.”