Susan Boyle is Still a Virgin

The homely singer is getting ready for the final round of Britain’s Got Talent, and she’s heavily favored to win. Amanda Holden, a judge on the show, has invitied Demi and Ashton to attend the final show since the couple are supposedly big fans of the Boyle. She’s even received a personal invitation from her majesty to appear at the Royal Variety Performance– which will be embarrassing if she doesn’t win, since that honor is typically reserved for the winner of BGT.

And in case you were wondering about the sate of the 48 year old’s hymen, it remains intact– a fact that BGT’s promotional team would like you to remember. Because isn’t it amazing that an unattractive middle-aged virgin can sing? It just doesn’t make any sense! You have to be pretty and thin to be able to sing, like 99% of the female artists who have record deals today, right?

Oh wait, no. Actually, what you look like or how much sex you’ve had has absolutely nothing to do with how well you can sing. I’ll leave the oral jokes up to you.

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Susan Boyle is Still a Virgin
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